Apple “Savings” Accounts. Just Marcus With Dependency on iPhones.

The news is hyping Apple Savings accounts, which are just Goldman Sachs, which runs Marcus.

So the accounts are similar to Marcus and Goldman had to explain to investors that they don’t think there will be serious “cannibalization” of existing clients.

A lot of iPhone users wouldn’t know anything about savings if it came up and bit them on the ass.

I mean, how many competent, dedicated, militant “savers” out there, buy a phone that is twice as expensive as a comparable Android at any “tier” and then signs up for a Savings Account that stops working if they get rid of the stupid iPhone?

You can sign up for a Marcus account and manage it in a Web browser, on Windows, Linux, a Mac, a Chromebook, an Android, and yes, even an iPhone. If you change tech at some point, you won’t need to worry about what happens to your Savings account and your deposits and everything else.

It’s not even like there are any advantages, like a super attractive rate. They only advertise 4.15%, which is easy to get on a Savings or Money Market account at other banks.

Money Market accounts, which are even better than Savings Accounts, have some features of Checking accounts, such as debit cards and checks. My online bank will even give me free books of checks, while most banks charge.

(The reason it pays Savings-like interest or better is you’re limited to six transfers out each month, which are any combo of written checks, debit purchases, and transfers to another account, but you get unlimited ATM withdraws.)

And with Apple, you aren’t even guaranteed that you will earn 4.15%, because Savings, Checking, and Money Market accounts are variable interest. The rate could go down before you even make your initial deposit.

As things stand, Apple’s Savings rates are only the 11th highest out of all online banks with a Savings Account.

Why shouldn’t you keep lots of money in Savings or Money Market?

You shouldn’t keep more than about 90 days worth of spending in a Money Market or Savings because of the unpredictable rate of interest (variable) and the fact that it’s not even the best rate you can get with good liquidity (access to your money).

I’ve been buying up No Penalty CDs with an 11 month fixed rate of between 4.8% and 5% in amounts of about $1,000 at a time (so I don’t have to break them and take all the money later if I only need a little). They’re super easy to set up, and they’re guaranteed to pay that rate for 11 months. If the rates go down for “Apple Savings” and other deposit account customers, too bad so sad. It doesn’t affect me. I still make the agreed upon rate.

If rates go up, I redeem the CD early, with no penalty, and then buy another one that starts over at the higher rate for an 11 month term.

Either way, I win, and Apple “Savers” lose.

The Apple Savings account is nothing spectacular. I think it’s just another way to trap people on hideously overpriced limited phones and make the pain of leaving (having to switch “banks”) higher. It’s a roach motel.

What are the benefits? You can tap your phone like an idiot, because you are an idiot, while the checkout machine goes “BONK BONK BONK ERROR BONK BONK!” and I’m in line behind you getting angrier?

Yeah.