*satire* Totally not sockpuppets give Midland Funding collection agency five star reviews on Google.

There’s a collection agency called Midland Funding that buys all kinds of delinquent mortgage, credit card, and hospital bill accounts. Oddly, they have a bunch of five star reviews on Google.

Who the hell gives a collection agency that’s calling them at work and their boss is threatening to fire them, and is threatening to sue and garnish them and rings their phone off the hook five stars on Google?

Nobody. But with the magic touch of PR firms, anyone can look good online, including these people. It’s a tactic that Microsoft uses all the time. Walmart has done it before too.

But I thought I’d do a few satirical takes on high praise of a collection agency.

“Midland Funding is threatening to foreclose on my house leaving me to live in a van down by the river, but Miguel was amazing at communicating this! Five stars on Google!”.

-Susan O.

“I fell a little behind on my bills during COVID, but Midland Funding made my credit card payments easy. They found the help of a local attorney who I also am paying for now and took me to court and now there’s a line on my paycheck called COURT ORDERED GARNISHMENT. Five stars on Yelp! Would definitely recommend!”

-Mike T.

“When my daughter fell and broke her leg, I was so overwhelmed by ER statements and out of network physicians bills with surprise billing that I didn’t even know where to begin.

With Midland Funding, I settled for 70% of the hospital chargemaster’s fake prices!

The payments come right out of my bank account, and now I have the IRS after me too from the 1099-C I didn’t know was coming! Would give six stars on Yelp if I could. Maria was very helpful in explaining my options!”

-Anita S.