Microsoft and CNET confuse users with fake “This PC can’t run Windows 11” errors. Suggest buying a completely new computer.

From the company that brought you “Something Happened”…

Microsoft and CNET confuse users with fake “This PC can’t run Windows 11” errors. Suggest buying a completely new computer.

Mostly, if your machine doesn’t have “Security Theater Boot” and the “Toilet Paper Module” (I jest.) available to be turned on, you need to buy another computer.

Except that you don’t. You could format Windows off your computer entirely and go on happily using GNU/Linux for many more years without fake incompatibility messages from your pals at Microsoft and Intel, where sales have been in the dumps and they need fake error messages to drive new sales.

Windows 11 has been a long time coming. Even 20 years ago, when Windows XP was still in beta, Bill Gates spoke of a time where Windows would just hide everything it was doing from the user and call that “security”.

Unfortunately, for the user, the TPM is meant to secure the computer from the user, for the benefit of an attacker, such as a person who wants to control them with DRM. It was never feasible to deploy DRM because it’s not orthogonal to the traditional design of a PC, where the user can always figure out what’s happening somewhere along the line.

Along with the expected malware, called Windows, the other malware will run just fine, despite the TPM, because that’s not what it was designed to interfere with.

While the TPM is used by BitLocker, BitLocker itself is pretty lulzy and you’ll lose your data to Microsoft’s backdoored drive encryption 100,000 times over before you’ll walk off and carelessly forget your laptop at an airport.

Fake Windows security is something that appeals to Pointy Haired Bosses and open source posers like Matthew Garrett. Don’t let yourself be confused by the hype.

Windows itself is basically Pointy Haired Boss OS, and entire careers are minted from all the trouble it causes to organizations which “standardize” on it.

Something happened. Something happened.

1 thought on “Microsoft and CNET confuse users with fake “This PC can’t run Windows 11” errors. Suggest buying a completely new computer.

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